Michael Kane

I’ve made several thousand last month off the keyword ‘porn’ alone, and I don’t even rank on the first 2 pages, which tells you something right? yeah, no not that, I know i’m hot but like, it tells you that ‘porn’ sells online. For real, that’s a well known fact anyway. However, what is not as popular is using porn as a marketing strategy, heh. That’s where it gets tricky so try to follow what i’m about to say in as few words as possible.



Make them click whatever way you can because however way you look at it, be it a click to your order/sign-up page, on your adsense, or on your affiliate links, clicks = $$$. That’s all.

Ok so there’s a little more to it than that, but anyone can gain something by ranking for porn related terms. The traffic alone is valuable, sure it’s not really targeted traffic but I mean if all it takes is 5 minutes of nonsense typing to weight a blog post page nicely then it’s worth the extra few thousand uniques a month right? Who knows, some of these users my convert into readers

The porn industry is not as hard to rank in as people make it out to be, technical it’s easier to rank for porn related names than some ‘design’ related names. No shit. But if you look at the stats you see that porn related names tend to get 8x as much traffic at least, and we all know that traffic is a factor in ranking higher in the serps, right? So do it.

Remember, porn sells online, the word ‘porn’. It can sell anything you have to offer, one way or another Ha say i get lots of traffic to this post later on when it ranks, then i’ll slap up a ’sex doll’ affiliate banner or something haha! Who knows? They might be interested right?!?!

That’s right boys and girls, time to get down and dirty. I’m going to introduce you all to the Whale Sperm theory! Now, it’s all about BlackHat SEO so don’t get all confused and scared off by the title, read on, this is tres educational. Ok, so how can whale sperm, of all sperm on earth be remotely related to SEO, here’s your answer; It’s fucking not, it’s related to BlackHat sperm. Sort of. It’s actually related to link bait, and all things BlackHat, controversy, mixing it up, ranking for things you should not rank for, scraping traffic.

They say artists are insane, they say inventors have to be mad to come up with the things they do, I say BlackHat SEOs have to be equally as insane, and equally as mad to come up with this shit. Blackhatters would do just about anything to rank, just not hack. That’s right, they’ll talk about Whale Sperm, whale sex, maybe even whale vagina’s and whale titties but hacking they wont do. It’s all about ethics, we have some left you know?

So BlackHat SEO is all about creativity, doing things you’re sure other people wont even think of. Did you know whale sperm is used for some shampoo products? No? Who knows, you could be covering yourself in whale sperm everyday without knowing it, your hubby could be smelling your hair, going, aww smells so good, and in truth its the same as shoving whale penis up his nose and him enjoying it. Which brings me to my next question, do whales have a penis anyway? I didn’t think so, who knows.

Ok so enough with the whale sperm shit, this was just a simple example of how to (or better yet how not to) rank for not so competitive keywords. Theres a smart way and a stupid way, this is an easy stupid way, like why on earth would i want my blog to rank for whale sperm you know? Oh well, the things we do for education, the sacrifices we make, it’s all good though.

Drinks consumed at the time of creating this post : 4 beers, 3 glasses of red wine and a shot of wild turkey plus lack of sleep, so forgive me Buddha, for I have failed you!.

Ok, so from Detroit, all the way to NYC, then down to Miami, only to wait about 14 hours before jumping on plane to California for a business meeting in each city, if that was not enough, all that in less than 5 days. That’s what I call one hell of a fucking orgy. Sleep deprived, no fucking chance, i’m beyond just being a little sleep deprived. I’m so sleep deprived my butt hole puckers up at the thought of closing my eyes, because I know, the second I do, someone is going to shove a royal chopstick up my asshole and tell me there’s another meeting half way across the fucking globe.

Anyway, so its not all bad, I like hotels, actually no i don’t, I like the room service though, a little, except calling room service can get addictive. Ever tried making an emergency call to room service to bring you a fresh new towel up immediately only to open the rooms door butt naked to say ‘thanks, I was worried i’d catch a chill’ ? No? Try it, reaction you’ll get is priceless, especially if out of shock they drop the towel only to bend over and pick it up, and as they stand back up straight they realize their head is too close for comfort, the view, the smell (if you hold off taking that shower) would just add to that reaction. *sigh*

What else? The food is fine. Chinese, Japanese, Korean and some Italian, you can’ go wrong as long as you stay away from anything Indian, curry, woohoooo. Fire in the hole!!. Indians…curry, rice…that reminds me of this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=95xw65uikXg *smirk*

This made me blog twice within an hour! Insane right? Then again this is my day off so whatever. I was listening to stuff off my iTouch (i fixed it yes yes) and a song started playing, god knows who had put it on there, probably Summer or one of the girls. ManEater!! Don’t ask, reminded me of a friend I know online, Nat, hahaha Insane right? She’s more a MeatEater actually but here you go Nat, prob know this song but I felt like adding it here. I’ll make a quick graphic before I add it, too!

What a great question! Not really. Ok so a friend of mine has sent in a question asking where on earth he should take a girl out on a first date…so this is what he had to say:

For now, i’ll type out my reply as I’m not in the mood to record this answer in particular heh.First of all, taking a girl out for Chinese can be really romantic, and fun! Especially if you pretend to not know how to use chopsticks, have her teach you or vice versa and so forth. That’s all great, but a 5 quid all you can eat Chinese restaurants? That’s like $10!!! Are you trying to food poison her Chris? Jesus.

Anyway, about the whole Pub outing and such, that’s ok too, but on a first date it’s always good to go out somewhere public, even though the Pub is a public place for a gathering and such, it’s usually best to stay away from them on a first date. Most girls can be intimidated by the whole Pub, beer drinking, loud noise scene, at least the ones you want to hang out with should be!

Ride in a bus? Say what?? You got on a bus, and just had it ride you around? On a first date? Chris, I don’t know if that’s a ‘thing’ now in the UK, it’s been a while since I last visited, but here in Detroit mate, you try and use public transportation as a last resort to simply get from point A to point B, let alone to use for a fucking date. Bloody hell, she’d probably get raped, not to mention that you would probably get raped after her also here for that! No, no buses Chris!

My advice would be, see what she likes. Ask her about what her fav food is, for all you know she might hate Chinese! Does she drink and smoke? She might have recently quit smoking, taking her a bar will be a sure way to kiss any action you’re hoping to see good bye! If all else fails ask her where she wants to go, have her pick a place, no shame in giving her the option to choose! Just shows her you care, and Chris, ‘action’ or ’sex’ on a first date is never a smart idea, unless that’s all you’re after, in which case I would suggest you find yourself a prostitute

Be safe, and always use protection! Aids sucks big time!