So what are Google Blowers? It’s simple really, google blowers are Google fan boys and girls that suck off google for better rankings. So called WhiteHat SEO’s that read the google manual while on the shitter. Yes, Google Blowers are people we know in every day life that use terms such as, “I googled this and that”, “Google it” and such bull crap. Do you have any idea how fucked up Google Search Results really are? Like do you have any idea what so ever? You probably don’t even fucking know how Google works. Ok, that’s fair enough, let me explain how this pos search engine works to you google blowers, and the rest of you none google blowers, it’s simple.
First, bob sits on his PC, yes Google is so gay they still use PC, but that’s besides the point, so Bob sits down and starts using Yahoo and other well known search engines to note the top search results for certain keywords then passes the results onto Bill.
Bill sifts through the sites and awards them a green bar, scaled 1 to 10 on the colors it uses and how many typos the site consists of, Bill is gay, so the more reds, yellows, and greens you clash, the more likely he is to award you a higher ranked green bar! When he’s done he passes that shit onto Matt.
Matt the evil cyborg goes through these sites, he’s super gay so if he doesn’t like your websites colors he’ll just ban the shit out of you, if you use a word more than twice on the same page, which pretty much means even I am fucked there, he bans the shit out of you. If you tell you friend to link to you, and you link to your friend back, because your such great friends, matt the evil cyborg breaks your friendship up, by banning the shit out of both of you. Anyway, when Matt is done banning half the decent sites because of his lack of color coordination and grammar skills, he passes the shit sites that are left to Raja.
Raja is an indian Google outsources a lot of their shit work to. He calls up the owners of these sites and goes (in a very indian like accent) “Hello sir, I am Raja and I work for the big G, I like big butts and fried rice with curry, I will offer this once and once only, buy adwords or I shit in your face and ban your shit from our shit?” If you fall for this and buy adwords, Raja leaves your site alone, if you hang up or call him a prick, paki (which he’s not) or indian shit hole, he will indeed shit in your face, and ban the shit out of you. Which is sad, I mean imagine getting pwnd by an Indian curry eating dude named Raja who works for the ‘Big G’. So when he’s done shitting curry scented pellets over you he passes what’s left of the crap sites onto the final obstacle, the man of the hour, the one who decided where the remaining shit sites rank and how they rank. Baboon.
Yes, it is he who can’t talk and runs around butt naked with a red ass that decides where you, the hard working web individual ranks. You can pretty much guess how Baboon picks who ranks where right, simply shoves his finger up his arse hole and points?
Anyway, that’s how Google ranks your site, it’s all true, I never Lie, ever. Ok so don’t get me wrong, i don’t hate Google, not at all, just having a little fun really but isnt it true? Googles rankings have gone to the shitter lately? I don’t know if someone added some shit to their algo but boy are the search results full of crap these days. So sad, but hey, at least we see the funny side to it all! Baboon or no baboon, Google has earned this entire blog post dedication, like 5minutes of my time, more so than what most people get today. From me to the big G, thanks for making my life so fucking amusing. Can you say link bait aha ha ha h…a?
Wish me luck.