Michael Kane

Are there more successful male webmasters than there are female ones? See I know this topic has probably been discussed before, but I know who my blog readers are, and for the most part, cute stalker girls aside, they’re a very intelligent bunch of both genders. So here’s me asking you guys what you think on the matter?

I wont make this a long blog post as I’m more interested in what you guys have to say on the matter, but this is how I see it; Both men and women have a shot at making it in their industry of choice. It’s those that want it bad enough that have the upper hand. I think it’s more about different people excelling in what it is they are good at, more passionate about. If i’m to look at the male VS female web presence online today, I’d have to say that it looks like males are dominating the stage. Disagree? Let me know why!

Oh and another thing, I think this country would be in turmoil if a female president was ever elected.

I rarely even read online web related interviews with the different SEO and Web developer/designer personalities out there, mainly because I could care less about any of them. But when someone really close to me does something that impresses me, I show respect, and here’s how. I landed an interview with Johnny of JustaGuyandaGirl.com a great friend, practically related to me, he’s like that guy in the mirror. On top of being able to relate to him, I think he’s a great SEO/Designer/Developer.  So, let’s get started with the first part of this really fun interview. Hope you like it.

Michael Kane: What’s good man?

Johnny: It’s all good MK, how are you?

Michael Kane: Fine bro doing great. So tell me, what have you been up to lately?

Johnny: Taking it easy, doing what I have always been doing like working on my many projects and starting a few new ones here and there. My latest is www.justaguyandagirl.com which I setup with Blondie, a good friend of mine. I have some plans for the site but I’m waiting for it to reach a fork in the road before I expand it into a money spinning project, as of right now, it’s all in good fun, a place me and Blondie get to share our ideas and not get hassled too much about doing so.

Michael Kane: Great, i’ll get to justaguyandagirl.com in a bit, but tell me what you mean by ‘fork in the road’ ?

Johnny: Well the blog for now is just a place me and Blondie can vent, be random, and have fun. Later on I want to expand it into a podcast oriented blog and then go live with live streaming (online radio’ish like) which might end up with us not only having live streaming audio when we’re on but possibly live streaming video too, a sort of reality blog that’s live and kept updated pretty much 24/7. Like I said, that’s in the future, right now we’re focusing on taking it one step at a time and hopefully building a big enough readership count to think about bigger and better things. Turning the blog into a Super Affiliate blog is also another idea I’ll spin Blondie’s way soon, it’s just what comes to mind really, it’s not too planned out at all.

Michael Kane: So for the record, Johnny is your Alias right? You are however a super affiliate correct? I believe a year or so ago you were mentioned as one of the top Super Affiliates online today but a lot of controversy was sparked around that, am I warm?

Johnny: Yes, ‘Johnny’ is a nickname i’m going by for now, I’m not trying to be mysterious but I want justaguyandagirl.com to succeed for what it is, not who’s blogging on it, Blondie really is my other half when it comes to blogging, scary how I can say that about a women, as you know all women have issues and are psycho and she puts up with me, and we get along almost too well, so I believe we’re the ultimate blogging team here, and the blog will succeed because of that, not because of my personal readership online.

Yes, early in 2007 I was contacted via email for an award I wont name, but I was working under the radar (much like you do most times) they had very little to go on as far as contacting me personally, I refused to give them an appointment as I did not want to become another public SA icon, I just wanted to keep at what I was doing and simply left alone. They did not appreciate that and canceled the award even though I offered to have someone appear as a representative, that did not go down too well with them and I was scratched off the affiliate  list for that year. However, I am planning on making a public appearance later this year at more than one convention, I wont say more on that.

Michael Kane: Reading your blog posts I can’t help but think there’s more to some of the things you’ve posted, not to mention posting about naked monkeys and using similar crazy titles for posts like I do. Are you slipping hidden messages directed at certain people or something? I mean your latest post about SEO personalities obviously attacked Doug Heil, a very well known SEO and then you went on complimenting shadyseo only to bash a blackhat? Not to mention bitching about WP even though you use WP yourself?! What gives Johnny?

Johnny: It’s not about me attacking anyone personally, I’m just giving my own opinion and posting assumptions, all of which are mine alone. Doug to me was not targeted in that post he was just used as an example mainly because he straps the word ETHICS to his back and runs around telling people how to run their businesses, sure he’s highly respected in the SEO industry and I give him credit for what he’s accomplished, but he’s not a competitor, nor is he someone I need to worry about in my own industry, however when I think of a ‘white hat seo’ I think of him.

Shady SEO to me is just someone doing what needs to be done to rank without being an out right Google hater and believing that the most popular search engine in the world hasn’t a clue when it comes to ranking sites. Black hats, well, I’m no Doug Heil but one thing I agree with him on, is that to me most black hats, or at least those calling themselves black hats are simply immature and are for the most part involved in online criminal activities. Hurting competitors and attacking their ad campaigns or faking adsense clicks and stuffing affiliate cookies is stealing which every 5 year old knows is wrong.

I actually voted for G.W.Bush, but I was one of those protesting a while back when my youngest cousin was sent to Iraq, he was killed in a road side bombing 2 weeks before he was to come back home. Anyway that’s besides the point, Wordpress I use, but it does not mean I have to accept it’s flaws, and I stated that in my recent post on justaguyandagirl.com

Michael Kane: Hey Johnny, tell me something I don’t know about SEO, wait that is tricky i’m sure, tell my readers something they may not know about ranking? A tip, trick? Anything they have not read about a million times online before.

Johnny: Spam is all bad, but there’s something known as Smart Spam (SS), I think you originally came up with the term and technique, it gets the average webmaster around 200-1000 targeted unique users in traffic a day, which is a nice boost in targeted traffic for 60% of sites out there today.

Simply visit a warez forum such as forumw.org, register and browse it for topics related to your niche with a product that’s up for download, something users are going crazy over (find a few for best effect) take the rapidshare links, download the products then re upload them on a page on your site, or simply upload them to rapidshare and add the link on a dedicated page on your site . Consider using a proxy so you don’t get in trouble for re distributing software or whatever the product is, then go onto a more popular forum, such as warez-bb.org for example. Post the new to your page with the download link on it.

Usually you get around 200-400 visits if it’s rush hour on big forums in the first hour of publishing a new post, if you develop a good reputation multiply that by a thousand at least. People fail when they think of spam as a method to simply help their rankings in the search engines. Props to you for coming up with similar techniques a few years back Mike.

Michael Kane: A lot of techniques we used to rank and generate traffic 4 years ago are still as effective today, just not as widely used. It’s like a current, it swept a lot of the creative effective ideas we once used to come up with, I remember the irc message spam bot that used to slam irc channels worldwide with over 50,000 messages an hour or day, can’t remember that part. Now that was hardcore.

Anyway, I want to split this interview into two parts, have this as an intro and the next 10 questions all SEO/Marketing/Blogging/Traffic Generating related, up for round two?

Johnny: I think I am, let’s have them!

Part 2 of this interview will follow soon.

(parts of this interview have been edited but in no way effect/alter the integrity of the answers or questions.  Mainly re formated and spell checked to better go with the blog format and my blogging style)

That’s right, naked sushi, I mean really where do I come up with this crap. Ok so i didn’t not this time, what after the whale sperm trip and the sort of spam comments I got as a result i think i’ll lay off the dumb titles for a bit. I was contacted by a friend to cook up a logo, a sushi related logo, a naked sushi related logo at that! He had me slap up an Eat in China logo not too long ago, now he added to his menu and wants the logo changed.

What did he add to his menu? Naked women. That’s right, really hot naked women that lay on a table covered in sushi while customers at his restaurant eat off their sizzling bodies.

Hot right? I’m definitely paying him a visit later this week, and I know what i’m going to order, naked wome…uhhh…naked sushi!

So anyway, the logo was not supposed to be changed all that much just have the word naked sushi added in there somewhere, he’ll only have it up till he decides on whether he’s gonna keep the naked sushi clad women on the menu or not. So here’s the logo, what do you guys think? Simple? Modernish? The fork was his idea although I wanted to go with chopsticks to make it feel more Chinese like, his restaurant is a trendy modern one so I guess it goes well with it.

Anyway if anyone is interested in naked sushi recipes, you’ll find one below;

Ingredients

• some sushi
• a hot female body (Asian, African American or Caucasian you’re free to choose the color)
• 3 cups sumeshi
• 1 cucumber
• 4 oz cream cheese
• 6 jalapeño peppers or a bunch of sliced jalapeños from a jar
• a leaf of some sort, big enough to fit some sushi on top of

Cooking Directions

1. Cook sushi rice.
2. Cut cucumber into sticks.
3. Slice jalapeños… but be careful! Don’t get the oils in your eyes! Discard the stem.
4. Roll the sushi, using a few sticks of cucumber, some cream cheese, and a sliced jalepeño
5. place sushi on leaf
6. place leaf on the womans body
7. If you’re really hardcore when it comes to your naked sushi smother the naked ladies body with some sushi rice and eat right off the body.

And there you have it, a naked sushi photo, a naked sushi logo, a naked sushi recipe and one very hungry dude who’s gonna get some naked sushi this week!

So what are Google Blowers? It’s simple really, google blowers are Google fan boys and girls that suck off google for better rankings. So called WhiteHat SEO’s that read the google manual while on the shitter. Yes, Google Blowers are people we know in every day life that use terms such as, “I googled this and that”, “Google it” and such bull crap. Do you have any idea how fucked up Google Search Results really are? Like do you have any idea what so ever? You probably don’t even fucking know how Google works. Ok, that’s fair enough, let me explain how this pos search engine works to you google blowers, and the rest of you none google blowers, it’s simple.

First, bob sits on his PC, yes Google is so gay they still use PC, but that’s besides the point, so Bob sits down and starts using Yahoo and other well known search engines to note the top search results for certain keywords then passes the results onto Bill.

Bill sifts through the sites and awards them a green bar, scaled 1 to 10 on the colors it uses and how many typos the site consists of, Bill is gay, so the more reds, yellows, and greens you clash, the more likely he is to award you a higher ranked green bar! When he’s done he passes that shit onto Matt.

Matt the evil cyborg goes through these sites, he’s super gay so if he doesn’t like your websites colors he’ll just ban the shit out of you, if you use a word more than twice on the same page, which pretty much means even I am fucked there, he bans the shit out of you. If you tell you friend to link to you, and you link to your friend back, because your such great friends, matt the evil cyborg breaks your friendship up, by banning the shit out of both of you. Anyway, when Matt is done banning half the decent sites because of his lack of color coordination and grammar skills, he passes the shit sites that are left to Raja.

Raja is an indian Google outsources a lot of their shit work to. He calls up the owners of these sites and goes (in a very indian like accent) “Hello sir, I am Raja and I work for the big G, I like big butts and fried rice with curry, I will offer this once and once only, buy adwords or I shit in your face and ban your shit from our shit?” If you fall for this and buy adwords, Raja leaves your site alone, if you hang up or call him a prick, paki (which he’s not) or indian shit hole, he will indeed shit in your face, and ban the shit out of you. Which is sad, I mean imagine getting pwnd by an Indian curry eating dude named Raja who works for the ‘Big G’. So when he’s done shitting curry scented pellets over you he passes what’s left of the crap sites onto the final obstacle, the man of the hour, the one who decided where the remaining shit sites rank and how they rank. Baboon.

Yes, it is he who can’t talk and runs around butt naked with a red ass that decides where you, the hard working web individual ranks. You can pretty much guess how Baboon picks who ranks where right, simply shoves his finger up his arse hole and points?

Anyway, that’s how Google ranks your site, it’s all true, I never Lie, ever. Ok so don’t get me wrong, i don’t hate Google, not at all, just having a little fun really but isnt it true? Googles rankings have gone to the shitter lately? I don’t know if someone added some shit to their algo but boy are the search results full of crap these days. So sad, but hey, at least we see the funny side to it all! Baboon or no baboon, Google has earned this entire blog post dedication, like 5minutes of my time, more so than what most people get today. From me to the big G, thanks for making my life so fucking amusing. Can you say link bait aha ha ha h…a?

That’s right boys and girls, time to get down and dirty. I’m going to introduce you all to the Whale Sperm theory! Now, it’s all about BlackHat SEO so don’t get all confused and scared off by the title, read on, this is tres educational. Ok, so how can whale sperm, of all sperm on earth be remotely related to SEO, here’s your answer; It’s fucking not, it’s related to BlackHat sperm. Sort of. It’s actually related to link bait, and all things BlackHat, controversy, mixing it up, ranking for things you should not rank for, scraping traffic.

They say artists are insane, they say inventors have to be mad to come up with the things they do, I say BlackHat SEOs have to be equally as insane, and equally as mad to come up with this shit. Blackhatters would do just about anything to rank, just not hack. That’s right, they’ll talk about Whale Sperm, whale sex, maybe even whale vagina’s and whale titties but hacking they wont do. It’s all about ethics, we have some left you know?

So BlackHat SEO is all about creativity, doing things you’re sure other people wont even think of. Did you know whale sperm is used for some shampoo products? No? Who knows, you could be covering yourself in whale sperm everyday without knowing it, your hubby could be smelling your hair, going, aww smells so good, and in truth its the same as shoving whale penis up his nose and him enjoying it. Which brings me to my next question, do whales have a penis anyway? I didn’t think so, who knows.

Ok so enough with the whale sperm shit, this was just a simple example of how to (or better yet how not to) rank for not so competitive keywords. Theres a smart way and a stupid way, this is an easy stupid way, like why on earth would i want my blog to rank for whale sperm you know? Oh well, the things we do for education, the sacrifices we make, it’s all good though.

Drinks consumed at the time of creating this post : 4 beers, 3 glasses of red wine and a shot of wild turkey plus lack of sleep, so forgive me Buddha, for I have failed you!.

Ok, so from Detroit, all the way to NYC, then down to Miami, only to wait about 14 hours before jumping on plane to California for a business meeting in each city, if that was not enough, all that in less than 5 days. That’s what I call one hell of a fucking orgy. Sleep deprived, no fucking chance, i’m beyond just being a little sleep deprived. I’m so sleep deprived my butt hole puckers up at the thought of closing my eyes, because I know, the second I do, someone is going to shove a royal chopstick up my asshole and tell me there’s another meeting half way across the fucking globe.

Anyway, so its not all bad, I like hotels, actually no i don’t, I like the room service though, a little, except calling room service can get addictive. Ever tried making an emergency call to room service to bring you a fresh new towel up immediately only to open the rooms door butt naked to say ‘thanks, I was worried i’d catch a chill’ ? No? Try it, reaction you’ll get is priceless, especially if out of shock they drop the towel only to bend over and pick it up, and as they stand back up straight they realize their head is too close for comfort, the view, the smell (if you hold off taking that shower) would just add to that reaction. *sigh*

What else? The food is fine. Chinese, Japanese, Korean and some Italian, you can’ go wrong as long as you stay away from anything Indian, curry, woohoooo. Fire in the hole!!. Indians…curry, rice…that reminds me of this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=95xw65uikXg *smirk*

I have no idea what im supposed to blog about but i shall. I’ve been out of it for the last few days and i’m back to normal, as normal as Mike can get. What the hell is up with that weird Puerto Rican ghetto thing where they shave their eyebrows off and draw them on….. Anyway if you’re Puerto fucking Rican reading this, don’t get offended, it doesn’t have to apply to you, unless you shave off your eyebrows too

So I met this old friend of mine, he has a metal plate in his head now. For real! Crashed his bike or something, I couldn’t stop making jokes even though I really shouldn’t have, How rude right? I went as far as to ask if anything else was metal, because I heard a noise as he walked, balls of steel wtf.

I got myself some new stuff, shirts, pants, and socks. Ok, so what’s the deal with shopping for socks? It’s so hard. You’re not even allowed to try them on, I guess it’s the same with underwear but come on, my feet never smell.

So yeah, for all those that have been bugging me about blogging, don’t, no good can come out of a forced blog. Honestly, all you’ll get is talk about random crap that makes very little sense. A last note to all those emailing me about SZ, it will soon come down and be replaced with something else, something more magnificent and very much illegal. Yay!

Funny, I wasn’t itchy at the start of writing this blog, but have since scratched myself several times. Ironic aye?

This made me blog twice within an hour! Insane right? Then again this is my day off so whatever. I was listening to stuff off my iTouch (i fixed it yes yes) and a song started playing, god knows who had put it on there, probably Summer or one of the girls. ManEater!! Don’t ask, reminded me of a friend I know online, Nat, hahaha Insane right? She’s more a MeatEater actually but here you go Nat, prob know this song but I felt like adding it here. I’ll make a quick graphic before I add it, too!

What a great question! Not really. Ok so a friend of mine has sent in a question asking where on earth he should take a girl out on a first date…so this is what he had to say:

For now, i’ll type out my reply as I’m not in the mood to record this answer in particular heh.First of all, taking a girl out for Chinese can be really romantic, and fun! Especially if you pretend to not know how to use chopsticks, have her teach you or vice versa and so forth. That’s all great, but a 5 quid all you can eat Chinese restaurants? That’s like $10!!! Are you trying to food poison her Chris? Jesus.

Anyway, about the whole Pub outing and such, that’s ok too, but on a first date it’s always good to go out somewhere public, even though the Pub is a public place for a gathering and such, it’s usually best to stay away from them on a first date. Most girls can be intimidated by the whole Pub, beer drinking, loud noise scene, at least the ones you want to hang out with should be!

Ride in a bus? Say what?? You got on a bus, and just had it ride you around? On a first date? Chris, I don’t know if that’s a ‘thing’ now in the UK, it’s been a while since I last visited, but here in Detroit mate, you try and use public transportation as a last resort to simply get from point A to point B, let alone to use for a fucking date. Bloody hell, she’d probably get raped, not to mention that you would probably get raped after her also here for that! No, no buses Chris!

My advice would be, see what she likes. Ask her about what her fav food is, for all you know she might hate Chinese! Does she drink and smoke? She might have recently quit smoking, taking her a bar will be a sure way to kiss any action you’re hoping to see good bye! If all else fails ask her where she wants to go, have her pick a place, no shame in giving her the option to choose! Just shows her you care, and Chris, ‘action’ or ’sex’ on a first date is never a smart idea, unless that’s all you’re after, in which case I would suggest you find yourself a prostitute

Be safe, and always use protection! Aids sucks big time!