Michael Kane

I’m no scientist and no I have not figured out a way to turn back time, nor do I have a theory (watching people close this window now) but don’t you wish you could sometimes? You know…turn back time? I’ve been a huge believer in NEVER regretting things in life for so long now, but I’m starting to doubt myself I think. I’m regretting things more and more every day, which is not entirely bad…I guess.

I know I can make some things right again with a little clarity, a little effort, suppose I will but there are things that break real bad, not like humpty dumpty you know? More like if he had swallowed a grenade, doubt any one could put that sucker back together again right? Well yeah, things to that extent, just, something so messed up and ruined and spoiled with time that no amount of effort can fix. Wish I could turn back time for many reasons, wish I could be young again with no responsibility, not a care in the world, wish I was part of a real family again, you know, them passing away and all doesn’t help with that. I guess I’m mostly wanting to turn back time for things that can never be again, but all the same I find myself trying and failing, and then trying again. Stubborn ass fool, I know.

So wait, I guess I do have a theory on turning back time, maybe. It does not involve shaving off all your pubic hair and strapping high voltage wires to your arse, nope, nor does it involve a machine, sorry for spoiling that moment for you eli. But yeah. So my theory goes something like this;

Forget the past.

Yeah that’s all I came up with, but you know, it’s a point im trying to prove to myself, forget the past. What’s done is done…look forward (no not into the future) but fix what you still can (telling that to myself not you, although feel free to take this all in). So to fix what’s still bugging me is going to take one hell of an effort, a lot bugs me, suppose I have to start somewhere.

To the few reading this blog still that I truly care about, and are genuine friends, and who i’ve either told to sod off or shut out, read whats below and try to match which message is to you, best I can do…

• You flew right by me and didn’t see me U turn mate, you kept speeding off, I never had anything against you, still don’t, you chose left I chose right, no one is at fault there, Promise, I don’t hate you, I don’t hate anyone.

• What can I say, you’re like family, but push came to shove and you shoved all my buttons at the same time, you knew better and it just ticked me off, miss the bar, the pool rounds and the spilled beer, oh and that beauty of a tank you drive. call me sometime.

• I swear I love your music, never meant to not show up at the special gig though, I just could not stand to be around the person you know I have problems with, would have ruined the night for you and I could not do that. Hence why I never showed up…he went hoping I’d come, you know how he gets, you still owe me a fucking beer you cheap bastard. = )

• I’m ok with you doing what you did now, I get that life was hard, times were tough and you had a family to take care of, don’t even sweat the rest, consider it an early birthday present or something, so stop avoiding my calls, i’ll even give you that in writing you slimy fucker haha. We’re good.

• 
• No hard feelings, I guess you always wanted me to explain why, see, there was no why…I just had to shut a lot of good people out because of what was going on, I doubt I even explained things well, I doubt I acted like the person you thought you knew, i’m sure I probably upset and confused you, what can I say that wont sound too corny or lame…let’s be friends? didn’t work did it? We’ll work on it.

Lot’s of other stuff I’d like to get off my chest, all in due time.

Oh, Wired, Jake, Amber, I know you guys were/are counting on me, i’ll be back in full form really soon, i’m also sure you know that though.

Keep it real boys and girlies, go turn back the hands of time

I was in shock when I saw this, a cop just shoots some unarmed robbers in cold blood, I couldn’t believe my eyes, he beats up one of them with his gun too, and I don’t know what else to say, it’s all on vid too, this is insane. just out of this world…and I am so against cops that use force like this Brutality to the extreme wtf? Sure they are robbers but to drill them with holes like that? Where’s the justice? Where the fuck does the law step in to protect people from trigger happy cops?

Let’s rank for insane crap HAH!

I’ve made several thousand last month off the keyword ‘porn’ alone, and I don’t even rank on the first 2 pages, which tells you something right? yeah, no not that, I know i’m hot but like, it tells you that ‘porn’ sells online. For real, that’s a well known fact anyway. However, what is not as popular is using porn as a marketing strategy, heh. That’s where it gets tricky so try to follow what i’m about to say in as few words as possible.



Make them click whatever way you can because however way you look at it, be it a click to your order/sign-up page, on your adsense, or on your affiliate links, clicks = $$$. That’s all.

Ok so there’s a little more to it than that, but anyone can gain something by ranking for porn related terms. The traffic alone is valuable, sure it’s not really targeted traffic but I mean if all it takes is 5 minutes of nonsense typing to weight a blog post page nicely then it’s worth the extra few thousand uniques a month right? Who knows, some of these users my convert into readers

The porn industry is not as hard to rank in as people make it out to be, technical it’s easier to rank for porn related names than some ‘design’ related names. No shit. But if you look at the stats you see that porn related names tend to get 8x as much traffic at least, and we all know that traffic is a factor in ranking higher in the serps, right? So do it.

Remember, porn sells online, the word ‘porn’. It can sell anything you have to offer, one way or another Ha say i get lots of traffic to this post later on when it ranks, then i’ll slap up a ’sex doll’ affiliate banner or something haha! Who knows? They might be interested right?!?!

Are there more successful male webmasters than there are female ones? See I know this topic has probably been discussed before, but I know who my blog readers are, and for the most part, cute stalker girls aside, they’re a very intelligent bunch of both genders. So here’s me asking you guys what you think on the matter?

I wont make this a long blog post as I’m more interested in what you guys have to say on the matter, but this is how I see it; Both men and women have a shot at making it in their industry of choice. It’s those that want it bad enough that have the upper hand. I think it’s more about different people excelling in what it is they are good at, more passionate about. If i’m to look at the male VS female web presence online today, I’d have to say that it looks like males are dominating the stage. Disagree? Let me know why!

Oh and another thing, I think this country would be in turmoil if a female president was ever elected.

I rarely even read online web related interviews with the different SEO and Web developer/designer personalities out there, mainly because I could care less about any of them. But when someone really close to me does something that impresses me, I show respect, and here’s how. I landed an interview with Johnny of JustaGuyandaGirl.com a great friend, practically related to me, he’s like that guy in the mirror. On top of being able to relate to him, I think he’s a great SEO/Designer/Developer.  So, let’s get started with the first part of this really fun interview. Hope you like it.

Michael Kane: What’s good man?

Johnny: It’s all good MK, how are you?

Michael Kane: Fine bro doing great. So tell me, what have you been up to lately?

Johnny: Taking it easy, doing what I have always been doing like working on my many projects and starting a few new ones here and there. My latest is www.justaguyandagirl.com which I setup with Blondie, a good friend of mine. I have some plans for the site but I’m waiting for it to reach a fork in the road before I expand it into a money spinning project, as of right now, it’s all in good fun, a place me and Blondie get to share our ideas and not get hassled too much about doing so.

Michael Kane: Great, i’ll get to justaguyandagirl.com in a bit, but tell me what you mean by ‘fork in the road’ ?

Johnny: Well the blog for now is just a place me and Blondie can vent, be random, and have fun. Later on I want to expand it into a podcast oriented blog and then go live with live streaming (online radio’ish like) which might end up with us not only having live streaming audio when we’re on but possibly live streaming video too, a sort of reality blog that’s live and kept updated pretty much 24/7. Like I said, that’s in the future, right now we’re focusing on taking it one step at a time and hopefully building a big enough readership count to think about bigger and better things. Turning the blog into a Super Affiliate blog is also another idea I’ll spin Blondie’s way soon, it’s just what comes to mind really, it’s not too planned out at all.

Michael Kane: So for the record, Johnny is your Alias right? You are however a super affiliate correct? I believe a year or so ago you were mentioned as one of the top Super Affiliates online today but a lot of controversy was sparked around that, am I warm?

Johnny: Yes, ‘Johnny’ is a nickname i’m going by for now, I’m not trying to be mysterious but I want justaguyandagirl.com to succeed for what it is, not who’s blogging on it, Blondie really is my other half when it comes to blogging, scary how I can say that about a women, as you know all women have issues and are psycho and she puts up with me, and we get along almost too well, so I believe we’re the ultimate blogging team here, and the blog will succeed because of that, not because of my personal readership online.

Yes, early in 2007 I was contacted via email for an award I wont name, but I was working under the radar (much like you do most times) they had very little to go on as far as contacting me personally, I refused to give them an appointment as I did not want to become another public SA icon, I just wanted to keep at what I was doing and simply left alone. They did not appreciate that and canceled the award even though I offered to have someone appear as a representative, that did not go down too well with them and I was scratched off the affiliate  list for that year. However, I am planning on making a public appearance later this year at more than one convention, I wont say more on that.

Michael Kane: Reading your blog posts I can’t help but think there’s more to some of the things you’ve posted, not to mention posting about naked monkeys and using similar crazy titles for posts like I do. Are you slipping hidden messages directed at certain people or something? I mean your latest post about SEO personalities obviously attacked Doug Heil, a very well known SEO and then you went on complimenting shadyseo only to bash a blackhat? Not to mention bitching about WP even though you use WP yourself?! What gives Johnny?

Johnny: It’s not about me attacking anyone personally, I’m just giving my own opinion and posting assumptions, all of which are mine alone. Doug to me was not targeted in that post he was just used as an example mainly because he straps the word ETHICS to his back and runs around telling people how to run their businesses, sure he’s highly respected in the SEO industry and I give him credit for what he’s accomplished, but he’s not a competitor, nor is he someone I need to worry about in my own industry, however when I think of a ‘white hat seo’ I think of him.

Shady SEO to me is just someone doing what needs to be done to rank without being an out right Google hater and believing that the most popular search engine in the world hasn’t a clue when it comes to ranking sites. Black hats, well, I’m no Doug Heil but one thing I agree with him on, is that to me most black hats, or at least those calling themselves black hats are simply immature and are for the most part involved in online criminal activities. Hurting competitors and attacking their ad campaigns or faking adsense clicks and stuffing affiliate cookies is stealing which every 5 year old knows is wrong.

I actually voted for G.W.Bush, but I was one of those protesting a while back when my youngest cousin was sent to Iraq, he was killed in a road side bombing 2 weeks before he was to come back home. Anyway that’s besides the point, Wordpress I use, but it does not mean I have to accept it’s flaws, and I stated that in my recent post on justaguyandagirl.com

Michael Kane: Hey Johnny, tell me something I don’t know about SEO, wait that is tricky i’m sure, tell my readers something they may not know about ranking? A tip, trick? Anything they have not read about a million times online before.

Johnny: Spam is all bad, but there’s something known as Smart Spam (SS), I think you originally came up with the term and technique, it gets the average webmaster around 200-1000 targeted unique users in traffic a day, which is a nice boost in targeted traffic for 60% of sites out there today.

Simply visit a warez forum such as forumw.org, register and browse it for topics related to your niche with a product that’s up for download, something users are going crazy over (find a few for best effect) take the rapidshare links, download the products then re upload them on a page on your site, or simply upload them to rapidshare and add the link on a dedicated page on your site . Consider using a proxy so you don’t get in trouble for re distributing software or whatever the product is, then go onto a more popular forum, such as warez-bb.org for example. Post the new to your page with the download link on it.

Usually you get around 200-400 visits if it’s rush hour on big forums in the first hour of publishing a new post, if you develop a good reputation multiply that by a thousand at least. People fail when they think of spam as a method to simply help their rankings in the search engines. Props to you for coming up with similar techniques a few years back Mike.

Michael Kane: A lot of techniques we used to rank and generate traffic 4 years ago are still as effective today, just not as widely used. It’s like a current, it swept a lot of the creative effective ideas we once used to come up with, I remember the irc message spam bot that used to slam irc channels worldwide with over 50,000 messages an hour or day, can’t remember that part. Now that was hardcore.

Anyway, I want to split this interview into two parts, have this as an intro and the next 10 questions all SEO/Marketing/Blogging/Traffic Generating related, up for round two?

Johnny: I think I am, let’s have them!

Part 2 of this interview will follow soon.

(parts of this interview have been edited but in no way effect/alter the integrity of the answers or questions.  Mainly re formated and spell checked to better go with the blog format and my blogging style)

That’s right, naked sushi, I mean really where do I come up with this crap. Ok so i didn’t not this time, what after the whale sperm trip and the sort of spam comments I got as a result i think i’ll lay off the dumb titles for a bit. I was contacted by a friend to cook up a logo, a sushi related logo, a naked sushi related logo at that! He had me slap up an Eat in China logo not too long ago, now he added to his menu and wants the logo changed.

What did he add to his menu? Naked women. That’s right, really hot naked women that lay on a table covered in sushi while customers at his restaurant eat off their sizzling bodies.

Hot right? I’m definitely paying him a visit later this week, and I know what i’m going to order, naked wome…uhhh…naked sushi!

So anyway, the logo was not supposed to be changed all that much just have the word naked sushi added in there somewhere, he’ll only have it up till he decides on whether he’s gonna keep the naked sushi clad women on the menu or not. So here’s the logo, what do you guys think? Simple? Modernish? The fork was his idea although I wanted to go with chopsticks to make it feel more Chinese like, his restaurant is a trendy modern one so I guess it goes well with it.

Anyway if anyone is interested in naked sushi recipes, you’ll find one below;

Ingredients

• some sushi
• a hot female body (Asian, African American or Caucasian you’re free to choose the color)
• 3 cups sumeshi
• 1 cucumber
• 4 oz cream cheese
• 6 jalapeño peppers or a bunch of sliced jalapeños from a jar
• a leaf of some sort, big enough to fit some sushi on top of

Cooking Directions

1. Cook sushi rice.
2. Cut cucumber into sticks.
3. Slice jalapeños… but be careful! Don’t get the oils in your eyes! Discard the stem.
4. Roll the sushi, using a few sticks of cucumber, some cream cheese, and a sliced jalepeño
5. place sushi on leaf
6. place leaf on the womans body
7. If you’re really hardcore when it comes to your naked sushi smother the naked ladies body with some sushi rice and eat right off the body.

And there you have it, a naked sushi photo, a naked sushi logo, a naked sushi recipe and one very hungry dude who’s gonna get some naked sushi this week!

So what are Google Blowers? It’s simple really, google blowers are Google fan boys and girls that suck off google for better rankings. So called WhiteHat SEO’s that read the google manual while on the shitter. Yes, Google Blowers are people we know in every day life that use terms such as, “I googled this and that”, “Google it” and such bull crap. Do you have any idea how fucked up Google Search Results really are? Like do you have any idea what so ever? You probably don’t even fucking know how Google works. Ok, that’s fair enough, let me explain how this pos search engine works to you google blowers, and the rest of you none google blowers, it’s simple.

First, bob sits on his PC, yes Google is so gay they still use PC, but that’s besides the point, so Bob sits down and starts using Yahoo and other well known search engines to note the top search results for certain keywords then passes the results onto Bill.

Bill sifts through the sites and awards them a green bar, scaled 1 to 10 on the colors it uses and how many typos the site consists of, Bill is gay, so the more reds, yellows, and greens you clash, the more likely he is to award you a higher ranked green bar! When he’s done he passes that shit onto Matt.

Matt the evil cyborg goes through these sites, he’s super gay so if he doesn’t like your websites colors he’ll just ban the shit out of you, if you use a word more than twice on the same page, which pretty much means even I am fucked there, he bans the shit out of you. If you tell you friend to link to you, and you link to your friend back, because your such great friends, matt the evil cyborg breaks your friendship up, by banning the shit out of both of you. Anyway, when Matt is done banning half the decent sites because of his lack of color coordination and grammar skills, he passes the shit sites that are left to Raja.

Raja is an indian Google outsources a lot of their shit work to. He calls up the owners of these sites and goes (in a very indian like accent) “Hello sir, I am Raja and I work for the big G, I like big butts and fried rice with curry, I will offer this once and once only, buy adwords or I shit in your face and ban your shit from our shit?” If you fall for this and buy adwords, Raja leaves your site alone, if you hang up or call him a prick, paki (which he’s not) or indian shit hole, he will indeed shit in your face, and ban the shit out of you. Which is sad, I mean imagine getting pwnd by an Indian curry eating dude named Raja who works for the ‘Big G’. So when he’s done shitting curry scented pellets over you he passes what’s left of the crap sites onto the final obstacle, the man of the hour, the one who decided where the remaining shit sites rank and how they rank. Baboon.

Yes, it is he who can’t talk and runs around butt naked with a red ass that decides where you, the hard working web individual ranks. You can pretty much guess how Baboon picks who ranks where right, simply shoves his finger up his arse hole and points?

Anyway, that’s how Google ranks your site, it’s all true, I never Lie, ever. Ok so don’t get me wrong, i don’t hate Google, not at all, just having a little fun really but isnt it true? Googles rankings have gone to the shitter lately? I don’t know if someone added some shit to their algo but boy are the search results full of crap these days. So sad, but hey, at least we see the funny side to it all! Baboon or no baboon, Google has earned this entire blog post dedication, like 5minutes of my time, more so than what most people get today. From me to the big G, thanks for making my life so fucking amusing. Can you say link bait aha ha ha h…a?

That’s right boys and girls, time to get down and dirty. I’m going to introduce you all to the Whale Sperm theory! Now, it’s all about BlackHat SEO so don’t get all confused and scared off by the title, read on, this is tres educational. Ok, so how can whale sperm, of all sperm on earth be remotely related to SEO, here’s your answer; It’s fucking not, it’s related to BlackHat sperm. Sort of. It’s actually related to link bait, and all things BlackHat, controversy, mixing it up, ranking for things you should not rank for, scraping traffic.

They say artists are insane, they say inventors have to be mad to come up with the things they do, I say BlackHat SEOs have to be equally as insane, and equally as mad to come up with this shit. Blackhatters would do just about anything to rank, just not hack. That’s right, they’ll talk about Whale Sperm, whale sex, maybe even whale vagina’s and whale titties but hacking they wont do. It’s all about ethics, we have some left you know?

So BlackHat SEO is all about creativity, doing things you’re sure other people wont even think of. Did you know whale sperm is used for some shampoo products? No? Who knows, you could be covering yourself in whale sperm everyday without knowing it, your hubby could be smelling your hair, going, aww smells so good, and in truth its the same as shoving whale penis up his nose and him enjoying it. Which brings me to my next question, do whales have a penis anyway? I didn’t think so, who knows.

Ok so enough with the whale sperm shit, this was just a simple example of how to (or better yet how not to) rank for not so competitive keywords. Theres a smart way and a stupid way, this is an easy stupid way, like why on earth would i want my blog to rank for whale sperm you know? Oh well, the things we do for education, the sacrifices we make, it’s all good though.

Drinks consumed at the time of creating this post : 4 beers, 3 glasses of red wine and a shot of wild turkey plus lack of sleep, so forgive me Buddha, for I have failed you!.

Ok, so from Detroit, all the way to NYC, then down to Miami, only to wait about 14 hours before jumping on plane to California for a business meeting in each city, if that was not enough, all that in less than 5 days. That’s what I call one hell of a fucking orgy. Sleep deprived, no fucking chance, i’m beyond just being a little sleep deprived. I’m so sleep deprived my butt hole puckers up at the thought of closing my eyes, because I know, the second I do, someone is going to shove a royal chopstick up my asshole and tell me there’s another meeting half way across the fucking globe.

Anyway, so its not all bad, I like hotels, actually no i don’t, I like the room service though, a little, except calling room service can get addictive. Ever tried making an emergency call to room service to bring you a fresh new towel up immediately only to open the rooms door butt naked to say ‘thanks, I was worried i’d catch a chill’ ? No? Try it, reaction you’ll get is priceless, especially if out of shock they drop the towel only to bend over and pick it up, and as they stand back up straight they realize their head is too close for comfort, the view, the smell (if you hold off taking that shower) would just add to that reaction. *sigh*

What else? The food is fine. Chinese, Japanese, Korean and some Italian, you can’ go wrong as long as you stay away from anything Indian, curry, woohoooo. Fire in the hole!!. Indians…curry, rice…that reminds me of this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=95xw65uikXg *smirk*

I have no idea what im supposed to blog about but i shall. I’ve been out of it for the last few days and i’m back to normal, as normal as Mike can get. What the hell is up with that weird Puerto Rican ghetto thing where they shave their eyebrows off and draw them on….. Anyway if you’re Puerto fucking Rican reading this, don’t get offended, it doesn’t have to apply to you, unless you shave off your eyebrows too

So I met this old friend of mine, he has a metal plate in his head now. For real! Crashed his bike or something, I couldn’t stop making jokes even though I really shouldn’t have, How rude right? I went as far as to ask if anything else was metal, because I heard a noise as he walked, balls of steel wtf.

I got myself some new stuff, shirts, pants, and socks. Ok, so what’s the deal with shopping for socks? It’s so hard. You’re not even allowed to try them on, I guess it’s the same with underwear but come on, my feet never smell.

So yeah, for all those that have been bugging me about blogging, don’t, no good can come out of a forced blog. Honestly, all you’ll get is talk about random crap that makes very little sense. A last note to all those emailing me about SZ, it will soon come down and be replaced with something else, something more magnificent and very much illegal. Yay!

Funny, I wasn’t itchy at the start of writing this blog, but have since scratched myself several times. Ironic aye?